Words & Thoughts From the Desk of Your Favorite Authoress

Out of Sight DOES NOT mean out of mind…

When it comes to an absent parent, “out of sight” does not mean “out of mind”.

I recently wrote a little book called, “Joseph’s Journey: When Dad Left and Never Came Back”.  It’s about, Joseph, a 7-year-old boy that recounts the time his mother taught him about the Power of Choice when he realizes his father has stopped coming to see him.  Joseph discovers that he can choose the way he wants to feel and the difference between his fathers choices and his own.  Joseph is my son and this is our story.

Joseph will be 11-years-old in a few months and his “journey” isn’t over. He’s still on it and so I am I…right along with him.  Just this morning he expressed his feelings of thinking about his dad and wanting to write and compose a song for him.  He said that he wished he could sing the song directly to him while playing it on the piano.

Now bear in mind that his father has been absent in his life for the majority of his life–9 of his 11 years.

Here’s my response:

“You miss your dad and you’ve been thinking about him?”   (Joseph answers in the affirmative.)

“I think he thinks about you too.  I do. (Joseph smiled)  And I also totally ‘get’ that it doesn’t make any ‘sense’ why he doesn’t come by to see you.  

I want to express the DIFFERENCE between understanding someone’s choices and accepting someone’s choices.  

Here’s an example of trying to understand someone:

Why doesn’t he just pick up a phone and call? Doesn’t he have friends or a way to get to a phone?  Is he homeless? Does he have any money or a way to come see me?  I don’t understand why he just doesn’t come!  This doesn’t make any sense!  Of course not, because it doesn’t make sense according to the way you think and the way you feel!

Here’s an example of accepting someone’s choices. Joseph do you love me? (Joseph answers yes)  Have I ever hurt your feelings or done things that you don’t like?  (Joseph answers yes) Do you still love me?   (Yes) Do you agree with everything that I decide? (No) But you still love me right?  (Yes mom)

Are you starting to understand the difference between the two?  Understanding someone’s choices and accepting someone’s choices? (Yes)

Now, have you ever felt like you could NOT do something?  For example, sometimes you really feel like you just CAN’T do certain math problems.  Even when I try to encourage you to get calm and allow the answers to come to you, you truly believe that IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN and you just can’t do it at the time! (Joseph doesn’t like that I’m bringing this up about him and he says “yes” with a funny look on his face! ha-ha)

Okay, so that feeling feels real for you and until YOU see things differently or COME TO BELIEVE something different, this is just how it is FOR YOU, right?  (Right)  Okay, right.  Does it help if mom gets angry with you?  (No) Does it change how you feel, if I’m angry at you?  (No) Do you appreciate it when mom can just accept how you feel in the moment and still show you love?  (Yes)

Based on your dad’s actions we know he’s choosing not to come,but, the reasons why? We don’t know.  

Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right–Henry Ford

However, when you love and care about someone, it can feel painful when they do things you don’t understand or don’t agree with.  That all comes with loving someone….sometimes it’s painful and it’s okay.  ACCEPTANCE.

Do you want to see your dad again?  (Yes) When you think about seeing him again how does that make you feel?  (Good)  Okay then if you want the Universe to create an opportunity for that to happen, you need to be in a good feeling place inside of yourself in order to receive what you want.  Keep saying your affirmations every hour and take your two connected breaths every hour.”

To be continued…I have a feeling Joseph and I are going to have CsmithAuthorRev08to talk about having compassion for one another very soon and what that means.

We’re on a journey!

 

 

 

 

 

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In Gratitude for one of my teachers: Louise Hay

louise hay book

Have you ever heard that saying, “When the student is ready the teacher will appear?”  Well, I’m not exactly sure who to attribute that quote to, but I know this to be true because this is exactly what happened to me in my experience.

When my son’s father decided to leave and not come back in January 2009, I entered into a phase in my life of either growing or shrinking.  I chose self-growth because I had a 3-year-old son watching me and I was all he had.  My sister, Angela, had been talking about this woman named Louise L. Hay for YEARS and I mean YEARS, OKAY?  She had told me how she had healed herself from cancer years ago and wrote a book about it, called, You Can Heal Your Life.

Well, I knew I wanted to feel better and be better.  I was ready to be taught ways of going about doing that and I just knew that this woman was something special.  I could definitely learn from her.  My sister had a copy of her book and I was always borrowing it for long stretches of time.  Well, she got fed up with this and told me to get my own copy.  So I “ran” to the local library to do just that (the local library is like my second home-I’ve got friends in high places there! ha-ha).

The library didn’t have You Can Heal Your Life in circulation, but they did have a little gem of a book entitled, Inner Wisdom: Meditations for the Heart and Soul.  This was PERFECT because it was a small and compact with a soft “puffy”-type-of-cover with small little color illustrations in it.

I would share this book with my son, Joseph, who was around 4-years-old at the time and he LOVED IT!  He had already learned to read by that age and so I had started introducing him to writing as well.  I would tell him to open “Inner Wisdom” and write down any affirmation in the book that his spirit led him to write. In this manner he practiced his writing skills.  Not only did he practice his writing skills, he felt good while he was doing it because he would be affirming how he felt by writing it down in the moment.

So as Joseph was learning about affirmations, I was learning too.  It was great.  We would say daily affirmations together…that was beautiful.

One of Joseph’s affirmations was, “Everything comes in the perfect time and in the perfect way”.  One of my affirmations was, “I am a great mother.”  Look, I really needed to hear myself say that one!  At times I was so hard on myself.  I think many mothers are because we want to give our children so much.

When my mother had a massive heart attack and had to have quadruple bypass surgery back in 2008, I received the phone call from my sister, Angela with the news.  I was in the library with Joe when my phone rang.  It was Angela and she was crying and carrying on while Joseph was running around the library as little children do.  So she tells me mom’s condition is bad, she needs surgery and she’s barely making any sense.  I actually managed to get my books checked out, keep track of Joe and make it out of the library even though I felt weak and my hands were shaking.

Once I got in the car, I knew I had to keep it together because I had to drive.  Joseph was oblivious because he was happy about getting new books and videos from the library.  I had to get us home in one piece but my nerves were shot and I was scared because my mother had never been so sick or needed surgery for anything.  That’s when I remembered what Louise Hay said in her movie You Can Heal Your Life :

“Whenever I am scared I say the following affirmations over and over: All is Well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come and I am safe.”

I turned around and looked at Joseph in the back seat.  I said, “Joseph, granny is in the hospital and I need your help to say some affirmations so she will get better.  Will you help me?”  He agreed in that agreeable 4-year-old-glad-to-be-helping “manner”.  So we continued to repeat the affirmations over and over until we got home.  When I pulled up into the driveway I felt so much better and I wasn’t afraid anymore.  I felt like mom would get better, her surgery would be a success and that she would live.  However, my sister was in the driveway and she was sitting in the car just full of tears waiting for me to come home.

I got out of the car and she was about to go into a whole thing about mom, and surgery and how she was scared, etc.  That’s when I said, repeat after me, “All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation only good will come and I am safe.”  I think she felt my energy because I was calm and She heaved a sigh of relief.  I told her, “This is what Louise Hay says when she’s scared and it helps her to feel better.  Joseph and I said it all the way home and now we feel better.  Mom is going to be okay.”

The rest is history.  Seven years later, my mother is still alive and well!

In gratitude for my teacher: Louise Hay

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